If Freedom Farms Streaky Bacon – still plugging for sponsorship – is a 10, and Trifle is a 1, then beans on a rice is a 3.
Originally I’d planned on a few meals of beans on rice & a few of tuna on rice. After one meal of beans on rice this changed. But first a little more on the ‘food scale’.
The Food Scale
10 – Heaven in your mouth: Freedom Farms Streaky Bacon, Halloumi cheese, the first mouthful of Jack & coke, Oreo shakes, brownies
9.5 – Drexels French Toast
9 – A party in your mouth: my home-made French toast, my home-made pizza – yep I’m pretty humble when it comes to my cooking ability for these two items, ignore the fact that they are the only things in my cooking repertoire I do well.
7 – other pizza, other bacon, fish ‘n chips.
5 – I couldn’t care either way: pumpkin, potato, roast dinner – What! are you even a Kiwi! note: see yesterdays entry on rice. I have a roast for Christmas dinner (as is tradition) I wouldn’t be sad if I never had one again.
I could, but only if I really, really had to.I don’t hate myself enough to eat this: supermarket pizza, white ants – a Ugandan delicacy. I recommend the dried dead ones over the still-live-in-your-mouth-with-wings-on ones. Mmm nutty.
2 – The world would be a better place without: parsnip, swede, yams.
Lets take bets on how long I can hold this in my mouth before you meet the contents of my prior meals.
Avoid at all costs: Trifle. Trifle is the only food in this category. I would eat a bowlful of white ants over a bowl of trifle any day. I’m not sure why I dislike trifle, I don’t recall any traumatic experiences.
If I break trifle down, Custard is a 7, Jelly is a 5, Sponge is a 5, Cream is a 7. Yet somehow these things combined make the most repulsive food substance known to man.
I guess Trifle is like the 2013 Los Angeles Lakers, made up of appealing parts, Nash, Kobe, Howard, Gasol, who on their own are all 8-10’s, yet somehow combined, became something that made all L.A fans feel ill.
Hunger: It’s important to note that hunger has a sliding effect on the food scale. For example a petrol station pie is a 3, but after a late night & a couple of beverages that same pie can become a 10. Likewise that Dominos pizza from Day 2 is a 7, but on that day it became a 15.
Advertising/deception: Food that isn’t as advertised. KFC/McD’s/Burger King start out as an 9, but each bite you take it drops a number until it hits 5 & then 2 hours later it becomes a 3.
With all that cleared up my meals have been like this.
Beans & Rice – 3
Tuna & Rice – 7
Banana Rice – 7 (easily an 8.5 with honey)
Beans, Tuna, Rice – 5. I took to this as the tuna has a Thai green curry, which wonderfully masks the beans.
Meal one: 6:15am… I overslept. “Banana Rice”.
Half asleep & not concentrating I peel the whole banana, faced with eating it all now & having no banana tomorrow or having 1/2 an incredibly brown-icky banana, I opt for the whole one today, what a treat!
1 Banana, 1/3 cup of rice, milk.
A brief dilemma as I contemplate taking the car or arriving to work late. I go with late, so far I’ve stayed car free.
Meal two: 10:30am “Tuna & Rice”. 2 spoonfuls of Tuna, 1/3 cup of rice.
Meal three: more a snack than a meal. 3pm. Beans & Tuna (no rice)
I’m so flip’n tired I combine the last of the beans, 1/5th of a can, with a spoonful of tuna, not enough to mask the beans, this meal is a 2.
I crash for an hour, then I get up & go to the gym…
“Tim, people who live below the poverty line don’t go to the gym, so why are you?”
Great question intelligent-thoughtful-beautiful reader! Let me tell you why…
My job is not physically demanding, yet those that are poor can do quite physical tasks to survive. In Uganda we had no washing machines, I attempted doing my washing several times. Not only was I bad at it, but it was time-consuming & draining… I was sweating like crazy & dying after 45 mins. Some of the lady’s there would be doing washing all day, absolute workhorses! On a side note the washing machine is the single greatest invention in human history.
So that’s why I went to the gym, I wanted to see what effect my limited diet would have on an intense activity.
I took the car. 3 1/2 car-less days. Sure I could make the 75min walk to the gym, but there was no way I’d be able to get home without dying.
I shouldn’t have worried, I died anyway.
Before I got there I hit what I can only call the IDGAS zone ( I don’t give a ***t!). It comes after Hangry, you basically stop caring about anything & everyone else. Who cares about this dumb challenge anyway.
The Gym sucked.
I had a session with my PT guy, doing what I’d normally do, I didn’t tell him of my new-found diet, as I didn’t want the session altered, and he wouldn’t approve. Halfway through the 1st set of bench I knew I was in trouble. Set 1 felt like Set 2 & set 3 felt like set 5, if such a set even exists. I just about passed out multiple times & I’m sure he was disheartened by what could only appear as a lack of effort.
I get home & jump in the shower, thank God for hot showers. The gas runs out midway. Instant cold water. fml.
Meal four: 6.45pm “rice & tuna”
Tuna is all gone. Tomorrows menu is looking dreadful, but I still have that $1.50 to look forward to.
The Highlight of my day came a little later, watching a young friend get baptized.
The low-light of my day, waking up @12am hungry & headaches, awake most of the night.
One more day to go.
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