I believe in world peace.
I believe that all men are created equal.
I believe in the Force, America, freedom, the Tooth Fairy, a bearded man in the sky, Jesus Christ.
Beliefs are cool but in the words of Tyrion Lannister,
“words are wind.”
They say faith without works is dead, and I’ve often felt that to believe something you need to be living it. Otherwise you just like the idea.
But what happens if that “living it” takes over. What if that action becomes the only sign of faith, does it just become empty ritual… and how can you tell?
How can you tell when you’re so caught up in the doing that you’ve stopped being.
When you’re more Martha than Mary.
How can you tell when the things you do sneakily become the relationship you have, instead of overflowing from it. And does the fact that I even have to ask a sign things aren’t right?
What seems like an eternity ago I embarked on some travels, part discovery, part losing things along the way, part chasing dreams & passions. A journey which saw me hanging out with the houseless in Hawaii, and sharing tears in Palestine.
A journey which saw me stop writing. A little bit awkward if you keep a blog.
And in amongst the travel weariness, shameless self promoting selfies, new experience buzz, innocence lost insight, humanity rediscovered, crisis uncovered, laughter, tears, solitude and connection, was an invitation to enter the void.
I would summerise my faith journey this year as an invitation to enter the void. The laying down of things near and dear to me, let the chips fall where they may.
I started writing this post early 2014. I’ll finish it in 2015. Apart from a couple of YouTube videos, quotes & previously unpublished poems, I only wrote one post last year. And while very little of what I write sees the light of day I pretty much wrote nothing of anything.
I didn’t read much either, I made no videos, I didn’t volunteer, I didn’t go to church.
In fact I lost all desire to do any of these things, which was a little bit strange.
Concerning even, if I thought to hard enough about it.
Yet I felt strangely at peace with this invitation to emptiness, as if it were ok to be on this journey. Some how comfortable with the uncomfortable, or at least at peace with the process… whatever that might be.
Like rehabbing an injury, things aren’t right but one day will be.
Last year I attended a friends exhibition and was really moved buy the powerful stories and imagery, so much so that I bailed early, it made me think about my own travels, the people I’d encountered and their messed up situations. Maybe 2014 was the year I chose to shut down a bit instead of being overwhelmed by the worlds problems and my inability change things.
As 2015 begins I find a rekindled energy for some of my passions, a desire to read, to write, to create. I’m looking forward to finding and committing to a faith community, but that may depend on where I end up living. Somethings I don’t think I’ll ever resume, their time has past and I’m happy to let them go.
Love & Breathe. Here’s to doing coming from being.